Securing Yourselves from Pirates
Avast, mateys! Tomorrow, September 19th, be that glorious day o' th' year, th' greatest o' all holidays, th' one, th' only Talk Like a Pirate Day!
But if'n ye be leery o' pirates, ye hearts be in th' right place -- for ye should be afeared o' them! For there be nothing that a pirate wants te do more than trespass upon yer property, take yer belongings, and even shiver yer timbers! It be their thing. Even here in North Texas, piratin' can happen.
Even if ye be in the possession o' a mighty fine an' certified anti-pirate Personal Property policy, there be some things ye can do t' prevent such a policy from robbin' ye blind its own self! Such discounts vary by policy an' company, but yer best bet be performing some or all o' th' actions on this here list:
Make certain all yer doors an' windows be secured against boarders with deadbolts; and don't be leavin' yer garage door flappin' in th' wind, for it only take a few moments for a pirate to grab a valuable piece o' yer treasure.
Rig yerself a fine burglar alarm; but while they be cheap an' somewhat entertaining, find a better alarm than a talkin' parrot. Instead, use a system that be connected ter yer phone, and be contactin' the local constabulary for ye in an emergency.
Install trackin' devices on yer valuable items, such as yer vehicle or yer computer, so ye be able to find them no matter where a pirate might flee on th' high seas (or the highways).
Don't be parkin' yer vehicles on the street; even movin' them just a few feet on te yer property be reducin' the temptation for any wanderin' pirates ter be lookin' at yer stuff with their hearts o' avarice.
Be trimmin' back yer foliage, preventin' a pirate from having a place to hide as they observe yer property or that o' yer neighbor. And be observing yer property at night, so you can see how the gloom be changing where evildoers might lurk in wait.
Aye, th' best way ter avoid an unhealthy encounter with folk of the pirating persuasion is to persuade them that ye be not a good target for their wiles; an' failin' that, ter make certain that yer pirated property be properly pursued an' replevied.
And while this be a landlocked region, we would like ter share an important message from those pirate-hunting folk who have been dealin' with such a menace since first visitin' the Barbary Coast two hundred years afore:
